About to go out. Scary max. I guess my weakness is girls. And my tendency to run away. I shouldn't be Alpine Ibex, but an Ostrich instead. Sigh... If later there is something good to take away, well I can't think of anything good that can happen. Having a completely negative mindset on this and I'm probably right

Shit man. Gonna meet Nikki later. For the first time I'm not looking forward to it. What else can she say? Most probably going to be super awkward and stuff. I hate this kind of talks. Like seriously hate them. Argh. Stupid me

Hehe Pikachoo. Good memories

Well Nikki is officially together with Sean. Kind of expected and my heart is like breaking into many pieces. Idk what to do. How do I continue talking to her? How to continue treating her like a friend. I can just forgo this friendship and forget her for the rest of my life but she really is a good friend. But every time I just think about her my heart breaks. Time heals all wounds I guess so I shall keep quiet for now. May my broken heart heal by itself. Anw we had a two week confinement last week. Outfield was really tiring. 8 days and we still had to stay in camp sigh. My shoulder also was injured in the process. Just really hope it recovers ASAP. Two weeks in camp and 1 night at home. I really hope life for the next two years won't be like this or it will be really sian

The End

Last night I found out Nikki finally likes another guy again. I knew for a long time coming that today would arrive but I never knew what to do. I still don't. 9 March. The end of 2 years of liking her. It really ends now at this very moment. So how to move forward? Idek how to talk to her now. I never talk frequently to girls unless I like them. But it has been a habit to talk to Nikki already. So will I lose this friend? It really is a dilemma over what to do. Why not you teach me what to do? I honestly have had my heart broken enough times already and now I don't care if you are sad or what. Maybe I will never talk to her again. Who knows? But the worst thing is that field camp is tmr and I have to mentally prepare myself for the horrors ahead. If I am not ready, I am going to suffer like never before. So I guess I just shall not talk to her for the next 1 week. Not like I have any choice. But maybe I will know what to do next by then. Is liking her and getting to know her the biggest regret of my life yet?

Home Sweet Home

Back once again from camp. Really tiring week. Went to Nee Soon for the firing range and we had to carry the freaking field pack. Some of us say its 10kg others guess its 30. I think it's about 10-20. So that's like 30kg of load on us with FBO. Really crazy. Also did a 8km route march with FBO ystd. Really shag but I kind of enjoyed myself. Just remain positive and there will always people to motivate. When I motivate others I'm like motivating myself. Field camp starting on Monday and its really quite sian. Book out on Saturday and book in on Sunday sigh. 8 days are really going to make or break me. I think I will be able to cope with it but I really have no idea. Stay strong and never give up. There is lots to do tmr before book in. Of course it includes watching the shows that have come out over the past week heh. But really tired I think I'm going to crash soon. I feel bad that I fell asleep ystd while talking to Nikki but I guess it doesn't matter that much right?

NS again

Booking in today. Past few days have been mixed. But I have great A level results with straight As and a C for Econs heh. I think Nikki is gonna to get attached soon so just have to suck it up and really move on now. Another 1 and a half hours to go and I'll be back in camp. Have been a mixture of looking forward to book in and sianness. Sigh hope faster go in then can feel better