Today hasn't been easy. Planning has resumed and I had difficulty with my SOC. Tmr is the test should be okay I guess. Just Hulk Smash and bulldoze my way through. Sheer grit and determination not to lose face. I really need somebody to talk to. The longer I keep this in the worse I feel. My mind is just drifting for the entire day. But at least I watched an episode of TBBT today and had some Linkin Park. It always helps me feel better. Albeit temporarily.

Back to camp!

Finally got my laptop. Now I can watch movies and play music! Today hasn't been a really good day. For one my mind keeps drifting off to things I shouldn't be thinking about. And also, we were made to weave and unweave our ILBV like multiple times. That really pissed me off. My specs also broke today, without me even doing anything to it...... I guess it was already brittle and not in very good condition. but oh well. not an ideal day. On the brightside, I had the COC today! Finally back to my man-mode and no longer an appointment holder. But I feel more responsible now and that I have a duty to do the right things. I also volunteered to be an armskote man and somehow I'm now the OIC. I have no idea how I have ended up doing the job that I promised myself I would avoid at all costs and being the in charge.... Now all I can think of is that I wonder how you are doing and that if you feel unhappy, would you come to me for consolation?

No Monday Blues!

Today has been quite good I have to say. Went to the gym in the morning then bought lots of food for brunch. Economic beehoon, carrot cake, prata, you mian... Had a really good meal haha. And I also confirmed that Nikki is attached. Well at least I cleared that up. Not sure what the future holds but at least it won't be so negative! Not exactly in the best of moods but I think I'm starting to know how emotionless feels like. Oh the irony.. But it's not a good sign because I always want to feel something. Be it good or bad, emotions are what make me. I don't want to be like a stone. Okay the major blimp of my day is that my frigging games are not working. Darkness II wasn't really my type and I felt quite sian. Path of exile still refuses to work and Company of Heroes II too. Haiz. The next time I meet JY I've got lots to tell him ad discuss. One of them is whether or not I should buy a 3DS hehe. Later most probably going to whitesands to buy stuff and probably watch a movie or two on megashare. And of course pack my bags for book in tmr! I think I shall just leave at around 530. If the keys are not available I shall just wash my stuff and do some pt in the meantime. But how am I going to get there? I still have no answer to that

Depressing Stuff

Alright I think I'm ready to talk about the sad stuff now. Well, during R&R I went to the LAN shop to play games with thad, Alex and Leon. Well, to sum it up, I suck at Dota. So I went onto Twitter to stalk Nikki. At least my wish came true. Now she has a boyfriend and she's happy. Some part of my mind is telling myself that I saw wrongly or that I misunderstood. But I've been living in denial for so long that I'm already familiar with that feeling. There's no point going back to double check because I know what I saw and that what I saw was real. I'm not going to make the same mistake I made over half a year ago. Not going to be that stupid again. This time I still have no idea what to do but I'm not going to be emo and crybaby all over it. Just move on, not try to avoid her but at the same  time not going to approach her. I feel less now. Probably because I'm starting to get over her? But I know my heart felt cold the moment I found out. The feeling sucks and I keep feeling the anger rising up within me. Sometimes I'm angry with her but that's unreasonable so most of the time I'm just pissed with myself for being so silly. It was always a pipe dream. But I guess the most silly thing was that I always thought that I had a chance. Not that I thought that I was going to succeed but that I at least stood a chance. Meant something. Now I know I had already pushed my luck. Good friend was the furthest I was going to go. And now looking back, I feel bad because of all the wrong decisions I made. Decisions to put her first in front of my studies, sleep, recreation, in front of my old friends, my family. All these should have been more important and I failed to see that in the past. Family is really the most important thing in our life. Your friends can leave you, can ignore you but your family will always be there. Sure, there will be friction but we are related by blood and nothing can ever change that. And that's what matters. Nothing can ever make your family, not be your family anymore. That didn't really make much grammatical sense but who cares. So now, not going to blog about Nikki again, gonna try to blog about more of my life, about positive stuff and maybe in the future I can get my friends to start reading my blog. But for now, it should just stay this way. My blog is way too negative heh. And it's my own outlet of RAGE!!!

Finale!

Back from Brunei! Going to talk abit about Brunei first before I go into the depressing stuff. Brunei really wasn't easy with the terrain. JCC I guess wasn't really the highlight, it was the way I died at Nagalang during Helang 1. If there is any regrets I have, that definitely is up there at number one. But th trip as a whole was really fast and I would rather go Brunei then go back to Hukou Camp any day. But I think I really felt completely weak on the last day of JCC. Lack of food and carrying the signal set for the past 8 days made Trekker really unbearable for me. Getting weak already I need to build up my fitness like mad. Still have my IPPT to clear. Later better do some PT. God please give me the determination to carry this through. But JCC really made me want to eat all the food in the world. At least I had Zi Char with my family just now. They are truly the most important people in the world. Not any other girl.