Depressing Stuff

Alright I think I'm ready to talk about the sad stuff now. Well, during R&R I went to the LAN shop to play games with thad, Alex and Leon. Well, to sum it up, I suck at Dota. So I went onto Twitter to stalk Nikki. At least my wish came true. Now she has a boyfriend and she's happy. Some part of my mind is telling myself that I saw wrongly or that I misunderstood. But I've been living in denial for so long that I'm already familiar with that feeling. There's no point going back to double check because I know what I saw and that what I saw was real. I'm not going to make the same mistake I made over half a year ago. Not going to be that stupid again. This time I still have no idea what to do but I'm not going to be emo and crybaby all over it. Just move on, not try to avoid her but at the same  time not going to approach her. I feel less now. Probably because I'm starting to get over her? But I know my heart felt cold the moment I found out. The feeling sucks and I keep feeling the anger rising up within me. Sometimes I'm angry with her but that's unreasonable so most of the time I'm just pissed with myself for being so silly. It was always a pipe dream. But I guess the most silly thing was that I always thought that I had a chance. Not that I thought that I was going to succeed but that I at least stood a chance. Meant something. Now I know I had already pushed my luck. Good friend was the furthest I was going to go. And now looking back, I feel bad because of all the wrong decisions I made. Decisions to put her first in front of my studies, sleep, recreation, in front of my old friends, my family. All these should have been more important and I failed to see that in the past. Family is really the most important thing in our life. Your friends can leave you, can ignore you but your family will always be there. Sure, there will be friction but we are related by blood and nothing can ever change that. And that's what matters. Nothing can ever make your family, not be your family anymore. That didn't really make much grammatical sense but who cares. So now, not going to blog about Nikki again, gonna try to blog about more of my life, about positive stuff and maybe in the future I can get my friends to start reading my blog. But for now, it should just stay this way. My blog is way too negative heh. And it's my own outlet of RAGE!!!