Thailand 2014

Just left the house otw to the airport. Can feel some kind of pressure just weighing down on me. Anxiety. 20 days to come back, shouldn't be a problem right? I just dislike going overseas. Anyway, today didn't really work out. Didn't get to meet Nikki for lunch. Ended up going to KFC by myself and getting a 3piece meal and some ice cream after that. At least I had a memorable meal, albeit by myself. My NS friends have become the closest people to me now, I think the friendship between me and Nikki will just continue to drift and we both know that. Maybe there is something I can do about it but I don't know what that is. Yanling was also unavailable to meet up. I've got to stop making her my 2nd choice. No one deserves that but I guess I just want some company. I wish that I could have at least someone sending me off at the airport this time. 5 times already. Sometimes it just makes me feel less important then others.

Don't know if this is emotional or physical pain. Sucks though

Woah finally downloaded blogger app again. Half year has passed! Lots of stuff has happened but I'm kind of lazy to type it all out. Long story short, completed the whole training company journey together with 5th company.

Comms Ball

Been more than a month since my last post. Well obviously I had a lot of trouble finding a comms ball date. I got rejected 3 times before finally making it. Well first, Yan ling rejected me. She said it was weird. Well, up till now I still don't understand. All I needed was a friend to help me. I guess that was one of the most needy periods of my army life and..  enough said. As time went by, I got even more desperate. So I asked Suchi. Of course she rejected me because she was attached. But then it was expected so I didn't feel much other than a growing sense of desperation. So finally I asked Nikki. I thought maybe she could understand the desperation I was in and just help me out in the capacity of a friend. But in the end she didnt accept either. And she said because she didnt go with the other guy either. I just forgot his name lol. But I still remember I hate his guts. Oh well. But finally I asked jesslyn and she went with me! Quite a big surprise. Anyway, she is really a nice girl and the night turned out to be more enjoyable then I expected. Of course there were certain awkward moments but we moved past them. This episode only made me reflect on my time in jc. Of the 2 years, I only made friends with 2 girls, and only one extremely close female friend. On hindsight, I better choose my friends properly next time. I have wanted to say this for so long. A friend in need is a friend indeed. And apparently I do not have any female friends indeed. Just feeling frustrated today because I have been selling myself the lie that I have gotten over her. The emotions that I am feeling right now prove otherwise.